(7) Writing Memoir Dialogue
Writing dialogue in a memoir can bring characters in memory to life. Dialogue enables the reader to hear the personalities, idiosyncrasies, and temperaments of the people you write about. Dialogue helps to create a compelling and personal story. Several aspects of writing dialogue shape your characters: your memories, your intention of how you portray characters, truth, and authenticity. It is hard to remember the exact words spoken, especially if your story takes place long ago. Dialogue is not imagination but should strive to be honest as to the essence and emotional truth of what was said even though you may not remember the exact words.
What can dialogue do for your memoir in addition to revealing character? It shows relationships between people, creates atmosphere, and breaks up narrative. Dialogue can reflect a person’s background, culture, and education. The use of pronouns will inform the reader about the community of the speaker. One line of dialogue might tell more about a person than a one paragraph description of the person. For example, “Get in here, and get your homework done, or else!” shows a person of authority, who is demanding and threatening and shows a relationship between the two characters.
Dialogue in fiction is based on imagination and creativity while dialogue in memoir should be creatively nuanced for honesty as to how things may have been said. You are not expected to produce verbatim conversation, but dialogue should be credible and consistent with the personality of the character. Moving the plot forward, heightening tension, and hinting at meaning below the surface are roles that dialogue can play.
If you are writing about the distant past, choose the appropriate vocabulary of the time. For example, if you are writing about the 1950s, a character might say, “We had a groovy time,” rather than, “We had a fun time.” If a person uses a particular phrase regularly, like “Sweet,” spoken after anyone speaks, be sure to use it often. If their English is lacking in correct grammar, don’t try to polish it for them. If someone is impatient, curt, or naive make the dialogue reflect that. Children should speak in a way that the reader can identify them as children.
Reconstruct conversations based on how you recall the mood and feeling of the dialogue that did occur as well as enabling the reader to hear each distinct voice. Use slang, tone of voice, rhythm, to do this. Mix short and long lines for a natural rhythm. Dialogue gives dimension to your family, friends, enemies, teachers, coworkers, and your past self.
Consider some examples:
“ You think you’re better than anyone else, just because you’re a year older.” my sister scoffed. This one line shows a relationship, rivalry, resentment, and jealousy.
“Your painting is magical—makes me so proud of you,” my mother said with a broad smile.
One line shows a relationship, love, appreciation, happiness, and pride.
“Don’t make me come in there!” my father shouted.
Here is a line that signifies a relationship, threat, fear, intense emotion, and unfinished business. In this sentence, punctuation is important in creating the mood. The exclamation point shows intense emotion.
Note that in the dialogues above, standard punctuation is the norm. Quotation marks are standard with a comma, question mark, or exclamation point within the quotation mark at the end of the quote followed by she said or Sydney howled or other pronouns and verbs indicating sound. Many writing experts say that the quote followed by the word said…, lets the quote itself make impact rather than words like shouted, whimpered, called, or others. Remember that each new speaker begins a new paragraph.
As you write dialogue, it should stand alone without any need for explanation in the narrative. For example, “Don’t ever call me again.” This statement doesn’t need additional narrative explanation such as: She was angry and didn’t want him to call her again. The statement in the quote can stand alone. Also, remember that people in real life don’t make long speeches as they speak with each other. Conversation generally takes place in short sentences.
Another way to make dialogue come alive is to give the character an activity or gestures while they are speaking. Describing facial expressions can enhance dialogue. The following dialogue is an example of this:
“I’d like to see that new movie tonight,” he said, biting into the molasses cookie he held.
“What’s it about?” she asked, drawing a comb through her long straight hair.
“Want a bite?” he asked, smiling and offering the cookie to her.
“No, I just ate,” she replied, stepping closer and putting her arm around his waist.
If you read this dialogue without the activity of the two speakers at the end of their lines, you would not know that the mood is comfortable between the two speakers, that he is generous, and that they are familiar and affectionate with each other.
Another way to make dialogue effective is to combine external speech with your thoughts, feelings, and observations about something said to you. You can interweave your scenes with your internal reactions, and descriptions of setting or surroundings to keep the pacing smooth and the tone consistent with the action. For example, “Shut up, you’re totally off the mark,” he yelled, shaking his fist. I felt defeated. After all the time and energy I put into that research, he was putting me down again. I knew I was right, but he had to save face and be the bully he always was. I felt tears welling, but the others in the meeting were looking away, looking down, anywhere but at me. The room was closing in, heating up like something was about to explode. In this passage, the speaker has only one line, but the internal thoughts of the person yelled at give the scene its complete flavor.
Your memoir might have a theme such as forgiveness, loss, survival, identity, change, or others. There may be a phrase that recurs and gives framework to your writing and a story arc based on your theme. For example, let’s say your mother always says, “Can’t do anything about that,” every time a problem occurs. Your theme may be your battle to overcome the idea that you are helpless and can’t handle difficulties that are a part of life.
When you write a memoir about people who are alive, you may want to consider any legal ramifications that might arise for you if these people are mean, cruel, dishonest, or otherwise unsavory, and you quote them as they speak in real life. Some memoirists disguise these people or make them composite characters or paraphrase their conversations rather than quote them in sensitive situations. Regarding sensitive situations, ask yourself if their quotes are necessary for the story and if they are fair. If courts have sent your characters to prison, then their actions are public knowledge, and you may want to treat their actions in a different way than if courts were not involved with their dishonest or felonious acts—if they are alive.
Regarding the legal aspects of your memoir, you may want to consult an attorney and become familiar with the terms that might apply to your work. Defamation harms the reputation of someone who is living. Libel is false or harmful information about a living person. Invasion of privacy is public disclosure of private or misleading information. These legal terms do not apply if the characters in your memoir have passed, but there is still the pain of relatives to be considered when you disclose sensitive information. Do not consider this paragraph legal advice, only definitions of terms and something to think about and a recommendation to consult an attorney if needed.
Practice Writing Dialogue
Being a good listener is one way to improve your dialogue writing. With permission of speakers, record yourself and others talking for ten minutes. Listen to the recording, and then write for a reader, the dialogue of your group. Use gestures, facial expressions of the speakers and room description to set the discussion in a specific space. If a recording device is not available, take brief notes of the discussion, then write as described above.