Anxiety is a werewolf you become.

It hides, angry, sullen, alone.

Until your teeth become its fangs ready to attack, your hair its fur, on end.

Anxiety—yourself no more, personality gone, brain lost.

In Part One of this series I mentioned that over my years of travel, seat-mates, friends, family, acquaintances, and others had speculated that my traveling life was so glamorous, so exciting, and such a wonderful adventure. Sometimes trips were pleasant, but sometimes they were terrible. In 2005 some airline flights did not have security screening….

As we sat comfortably for dinner in the dining room, the ship’s captain began talking over the PA system: “I am sorry to inform you that we will not be able to visit Saint John in New Brunswick tomorrow as planned. A tropical storm system is just offshore, and our ship would not be able to withstand the winds and high waves associated with that system. Instead we will head out to sea and plan for our arrival in Halifax the next day as scheduled.

Gunshots in the synagogue.Screams resound, bones shatter, blood pools, worshipers lay dead.Senseless in this holy place.Sitting ShivaWhile we argue gun control in tweets and savor our lattes.

Bombs at the marathon.Runners, bystanders maimed by ragged bits of steelLodged in bleeding legs and arms.More security, more police, more cameras fill the worldWhile we vow to conquer terrorism and Isis and nosh on lunch.

My grandmother not only taught me to love nature and to sew, but she also helped steer me into a career I enjoyed. She taught me about a Finnish construct called sisu that all Finns have in their souls. It is a combination of determination, courage, guts, resolve, and the ability to never waver or give up. Thank you Aiti for sisu. Aiti consistently used sisu in her life. She came to the United States in 1918 when Finland was in a terrible civil war. People were cold and starving. She was fortunate to board a ship for America where she met Waino, my grandfather, and later married him.

“None of our rooms have phones,” the desk agent replied. “There’s a public pay phone on the wall over there,” he indicated by pointing. At the same time, I noticed a young woman also behind the counter checking in a line of men who had just arrived. She seemed to recognize them and greeted them by name. She was very scantily clad for a November night.

I was overwhelmed by this gesture of kindness from a stranger. The feathers were soft and obviously cared for with gentle hands. In my mind, angels were wonderful story book images, inspired by imagination and creativity. I knew my friend would see them, not in a religious sense, but in a similar way. But whether angels are part of a heavenly sphere, or part of a creative imagination, those dark feathers, a gift from a stranger, symbolized empathy, caring, and love.

I was stalked by a tiger

Dark and golden fur on soft paws

Melting into grasses of camouflage.

A mouth of saber teeth tore apart my skull.

Set against the Depression era of the 1930’s poverty, unemployment, and the collapse of agriculture and industry, Brown paints a portrait of young men whose fathers were farmers, loggers, and fishermen rather than bankers, lawyers, and doctors of east coast Ivy League crew teams that traditionally won competitions. I felt like I knew the characters on the crew team. I loved Joe Rantz, the book’s main character because he overcame all the odds against him.

The ribbon candy glistened in a bowl on the buffet table next to the electric bubbling candles. They were nestled in a bough of evergreen cut that morning from the forest behind my grandparents’ home. The spruce scent filled my head as I breathed in the aroma of Christmas. I was six years old, awaiting the arrival of Joulupukki, the Finnish word for Father Christmas. My grandparents kept their Finnish cultural traditions and incorporated new American ideas into the holiday the family loved.

Sun glints on sparkling morning sea. I walk the beach and spy a shrimp boat bobbing, Booms outstretched eager for the catch. Who controls the numbers seized? Menus filled with shrimp, fried, boiled, baked, will we eat them all?

Joggers and runners, ear buds in, red-faced, panting, sweating, enduring their mile, their five miles. Fanny packs and backpacks bounce, holding their devices. They listen: music, news, texts, emails. The splendid sound of waves, the shells, the sand, are lost.

Eerie red light loomed as we approached our daughter’s haunted house. A huge spider terrified us as it lurched out of the bushes by the door, and a bloodcurdling scream ruled the night air. Get into the Halloween spirit as you peruse dramatic costumes, tasty goodies, and scary décor. Happy Halloween!

I notice that some leaned back in their chairs as if relieved. A few had more color in their cheeks than when we began—maybe an emotional reaction. Two kept one hand over their eyebrows shading their eyes as they seemed to continue to make notes. As I glanced around the room, I saw that some looked directly at me and nodded as if to say, thank you. Others could not make eye contact but looked out the window or at their notes. Maybe they were realizing that a career dealing with someone’s trauma would be very difficult.

Enchanted by the stillness of the evening, with ghost evergreens outlined in black against the glow of moonlight on the lake, we finally realized it was time to turn back. Not wanting to break the spell of the beauty before us, but drawing on my practical side, I whispered to my husband, “Dusk is when mountain lions prowl for dinner.”

Are these scenarios horrors or hassles? If you have anxiety, each one may seem to be a horror. Which of the above scenes is truly dangerous? Everyone experiences some anxiety as a part of normal life. People with an anxiety disorder are fearful and have persistent, excessive nervousness that can lead to intense dread and terror that gets in the way of everyday life. Sometimes anxiety may be related to childhood experiences.

During my undergraduate studies, my advisor suggested to me that girls didn’t usually take physics, that I would find the labs “dirty and gritty,” and my clothes would get “messed up,” and there would be no other girls in the class. She also pointed out that boys did not like girls who carried slide rules. I took physics despite them. I promised myself that if I had a daughter who had physics as part of her required course work, I would encourage and support her all the way, and I did.

But the toys were the hardest to deal with: a myriad of match-box cars, a felt sewing kit, a soft purple hippopotamus that our youngest granddaughter could not sleep without, lots of earth moving toys, and Barbies, stuffed animals, and finally the Three Teddy Bears, Mamma, Papa, and Baby. Tears came as I put all these memories into the Good-Will bag. I consoled myself with the image of another little child drifting off to sleep, hugging the soft brown fur of The Three Bears.

They advised them to take a path to making the world a better place, to listen, to care for others, to be curious, and to build on their current learning. None of these suggestions were surprising, but for me what stood out was that all the graduates were told that no matter how hard the struggle ahead, or how deep any disappointment might be, or how chaotic the world might become, there are always people who care and love them and will help them to reach for the stars.

Addison is a vivacious bundle of energy with a beautiful smile and always ready to take a ballet pose. After the hard work of training six days a week for four hours each day, Addison was living her dream, a dream of dancing with the best in the world in New York. She made friends with girls from Australia, England, Japan, Canada, and others. She also reveled in taking in all she could of NYC in between master classes and rehearsal for the Gala.

Sunset Beach, North Carolina is a barrier island separated from the mainland by the intercoastal waterway. Half of the island is a bird refuge with no development, the other half with narrow roads bounded by beach houses, no high rise development allowed. It is the perfect vacation spot for us as we invite east coast friends and relatives to visit, and as you have seen in previous blogs, enjoy the arrival of spring blooms.